Let me preface this review by pointing out that in most games I don’t particularly value a good story and look more for great gameplay mechanics to drive a game, but in the case of Metal Gear Solid 4:Guns of the Patriots, it’s simply impossible to talk about the game in [...]]]> Metal Gear Solid 4 Review

Let me preface this review by pointing out that in most games I don’t particularly value a good story and look more for great gameplay mechanics to drive a game, but in the case of Metal Gear Solid 4:Guns of the Patriots, it’s simply impossible to talk about the game in terms of gameplay mechanics alone. The reason for this is clear to anyone who has already played the game, of course, as this game doesn’t want to be played so much as it wants to be watched. The game is about 80% cutscenes (and 20% gameplay, for those who suck balls at math).

Now I’m not going to say that the cutscenes are bad… quite the opposite, in fact, they’re EXCELLENT. The word to describe them is “excessive”. The cutscenes in this game are fucking long. A SHORT cutscene in Metal Gear Solid 4 is 40 minutes. Mission Briefings are an hour long most of the time. There are points in the game where you’ll take 10 steps, or sneak through one room, after watching a 40 minute cutscene, only to find another 40 minute cutscene. 10 minutes of gameplay flanked by an hour and 20 minutes of cutscenes is where a game simply ceases to be a game.

Hey Look, a Cutscene!

This game (movie) is also pretentious and expects you to have played every other game in the series, including the ones on the NES, in order to understand the storyline. In fact, I was surprised that the manual didn’t have a short summary of the previous games just to clue people who had no clue what the fuck was going on in on exactly what the fuck everyone was referring to in this game. The story may be good, but Kojima really likes jerkin his gerkin in your eye and it shows in this game.

What is the story, you may ask? Well, that’s difficult to say and can be summed up (for the most part) in one word… “nanomachines”. Nanomachines are fucking everything up for everyone in every case. Nanomachines are used to pretty much explain away just about everything in the game (and then some). All of the supernatural seeming things? Those are because of nanomachines. All of the control people have over weapons? Nanomachines. Snake taking more bullets than Tony Montana and still not dying? Nanomachines.

Woah! Another Cutscene!

In the end, this game is a series of cutscenes, directed by Hideo Kojima. Hideo Kojima, if you’ve never heard of him, is the Stanley Kubrick of video games. He’s extremely good at directing scenes and driving a story home, and he KNOWS that, so he uses it as an excuse to make things way, WAY longer than they need to be. If that’s the case, MGS4 is his 2001. This game drags on like a motherfucker.

Have I driven my point home yet?

Oh Yeah! The Gameplay’s good too.