When Nature Calls… Collect
By: George Karounis
Felix looked at the LED style clock to the left of him, just above his cubicle, and was quickly discouraged by the time he saw. Feeling he might be lucky, he decided to check a similarly designed clock on the far wall of the call center and stared at the time until he told himself he would never look at clocks ever again. Both clocks proudly ticked within seconds apart from eachother, and in both cases, they read a quarter past the first fifteen minutes of his first shift of the week, and it was going distinctly slower than he had expected it to.
He recieved a call.
“Telephone operator,” his voice brimmed with as much excitement as a turtle at high noon, “how can I help you today?”
“Yes,” replied the voice on the other end, “I’d like to make a call, please.”
“What kind of call?”
“You know, one of those calls where the other guy picks up the charges.”
“A collect call? Can I have your name, please?”
“Yes, a collect call. That’s certainly it,” returned the as of yet anonymous caller. “That is indeed the type of call I would like to make. You see, we have new management here and we’ve just adopted this new system of calling clients collect. I guess we wanted to cut down on costs wherever we could, so now we’re passing the buck. But I don’t think you need to hear my whole life story.”
“No, I really don’t,” replied Felix, feeling his will to live dip dangerously below the point of no return. “Your name, please.”
“Certainly. The call is on behalf of Nature.”
A profound silence fell over both parties. The type of silence that make astronauts in the deep black of space stop and contemplate their place in the universe before realizing they’ve run out of oxygen as a result of their existential ponderings.
